Deep Thoughts · Inspiration

All By Yourself…

Some of you might be reading this who embarked on your own diet recently, maybe even not so recently or are debating one. You fantasize about all the wonderful things that being fit will solve in your life- physically, mentally… socially? Yes, maybe, and maybe not. Having more energy might mean that you are no longer going to be vedging away your issues doing solitary things or empty things that dont solve the real problem. You will have to face the hard issues that you have been ignoring. Isn’t that how it is?

You *want* to start a diet and get fit- but… then there’s the ‘effort’ … and the sore periods of time… and the time to go to the gym or take a walk or go get something to wear so you can go to the gym or take a walk because you have been living in the equivilant of bedroom sheets for so long. This means you have to buy real food and real food isn’t cheap.. so you have to dig perhaps into your Ladies or Guy’s Night budget to get the foods you need which aren’t very fun. Some of these things are really tough decisions and if you are already down trodden or depressed, the last thing you tell yourself you need is more to deal with. But maybe… it is what you need?

Sitting watching TV, playing video games for hours, browsing the internet until the cows come home- a lot of these things that make you physically unhealthy are making you emotionally and socially unhealthy, also.

But then you make that decision to start, and you are doing great… so far! In all your excitement you tell people around you expecting that people will want to take an active roll in this HUGE change because- I mean, it’s important to YOU, why wouldn’t it be important to THEM?

And they aren’t interested. They’re busy. They say, “Good Luck.” and move on.

A week.. 2 weeks… a month has gone by and they probably have no clue you have done anything or how much weight you lost or if you are struggling at all. It’s easy to start to build up a wall or even bitterness. These people could be the closest ones around you, maybe a child who had been urging you to lose weight, a sister or a brother, a husband- a wife. And yet you feel utterly isolated in your struggle because you are doing it on your own. You fantasize about wearing heavy clothes for the whole time and isolating yourself emotionally from these people so that when you FINALLY do it, you can get those new clothes and then VOILA! Everyone will notice in amazement and ask you when this happened… and you will say, “Well… I’ve been working really hard doing this, and this, and this, and this… for a long time… where were you?” and have a secret satisfaction of  ‘in-your-facedom’.

But I beg of you – DO NOT DO IT.

Harboring bitterness is throwing yourself into the ring with the starving lions of emotional imprisonment that want to devour you. When all is done, you have this huge jagged chip on your shoulder and broken relationships and then you blame them and they blame you and things deteriorate. When I start to feel like this (and believe me, a lot of times I feel like the unglorified version of a slave, janitor, cook, nanny…) I just remember that Im NOT in it alone!

As much as you want that support you can see so many times where other people take an active roll in encouraging the other even as far as to follow along side them, it’s easy to fall into our own little diet world and forget that other people around us have their own demons, just like we do, every day. There might even be plenty of times where we fail to see them or support THEM (even though we think we do).

I have to get up in the morning sometimes and CHOOSE to do nice things for someone else and take on a positive attitude even though I feel like wallowing in my own self pitty because I’m tired, I’m sore, I’m sick, I’m struggling… everyone wants a part of me through all this and I’m “doing it on my own”.
I just remember that- without God- nothing is possible. He is always there with me encouraging me.

As long as I invest my focus on God I am not let down! I take time to pray each day and ask Him for the patience I need to get through this day, through this workout, through this long night, through spending extra time because Im cooking multiple meals, sick and managing a baby or children… through this work week with demanding families that depend on you for their every breathe, it seems.

Let the bitterness and the pain and the resentment GO, and love those who hurt you. You are the only one who can decide to change your life and your attitude and choose to LOVE instead of resent and alienate yourself from your loved ones. No one else can do that for you. I have learned to stop looking to people for my answers and, instead, look to God. Let other people know you would love support (and not in a nasty way) and maybe they are able to! But if they aren’t, love them anyway and just remember that through God you can do it. In the end maybe your positive attitude (at least the one you put on) will be an encouragement to those around you and inspire them. How POWERFUL is that? To build people up instead of break them down! It seems like heaven to me. 🙂

-Jyn

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