Deep Thoughts · Inspiration · Special

2016: Letter From PostpartumLoser

Good morning! I have a confession to make. I  have secretly been holding something back from you guys. Yep. But I’m going to come out and tell you.

I started back on the Low Carb Low fat diet. Directly, the South Beach Diet (because in 13 years it has never not worked for me).

I should have blogged it from before I even started  but, you see- life is not perfect and organized like many blogs can relay, and I wanted to make sure I voiced that to you, as readers. You probably know this… deep down… but on the surface you watch all the other food blogs and health blogs and weight loss videos and sites and think to yourself, “How in the world am I ever going to get there when I am here and there is no way I’m that organized or even that motivated?

They look so happy and encouraged and great and things maybe don’t go as they wanted… at first… but they still look like they’re handling it fine, and you are sitting on your couch or bed on the brink of tears because you want to but you just don’t want to and your ‘not-going-so well’ looks NOTHING like THAT!

Let me take a second to give y’all a giant cyber hug look you in the eyes (or ears if you are see-ing challenged) and tell you… it’s okay.
I understand!
I may not have been exactly where you are, I might not have been through what you have been through, I may not be struggling through the daily struggles you go through now– but I know the lack of energy and motivation and lethargic bodies are horrible!

We are not here to compare our struggles to that of each other but to encourage others who struggle through eating better and reaching a similar goal. Some of my best friends have been battling weight, and severe weight even, for years…their whole life.
I started out as a super-skinny scrawny annoying obnoxious child who felt like she could fly when she ran. But now, as an adult, the only times I run are to prevent a disaster or grab a child from harm’s way.
(To my running-obsessed friends- I don’t know how you do it. I seriously hate running, haha!)

Last year I dabbled in the diet to lose some weight before a trip to California and a hair color change and I lost some but after taking pictures there, I was horrified to see what I saw was not how I looked!

Best Friends
I still look pregnant!


I was genuinely happy winter was coming and I didn’t need to touch a bathing suit in a long time!


This year has been a struggle for me. The winter was great and my husband loved me a lot with my favorite food in the whole wide world- coffee. We live on a farm now with animals and dirt and trees and land, so we manage a lot ourselves.

IMG_0485 He also blessed me with lots of yummy cream and sugar in that coffee. And we ate bacon. And we sauteed things and I made creamy alfredoes and Chicken Parmesan and we ate donuts and I had lots of trout from one of our local restaurants with creme-brulee as a desert. Much fun was had. But the weight was adding up.

And I didn’t care. I didn’t!

I was happy in life, we were enjoying our winter, I wasn’t ready to live without this stuff yet. I went out less and stayed in more and eventually I only had a few outfits that I could wear comfortably because I was a little too fluffy! I wasn’t in pictures I took, I felt unsexy, I mean- it was starting to really effect my life negatively.

I spent a lot of time with my kiddos and they would say things now and then like, “Mama, you have a big butt!

Kids say stuff like this anyway, but the more time I spend with them the more I want to be able to go out and do other things. And I’m downright TIRED!

When I was pregnant with my 8th my doctors were concerned over my slightly enlarged thyroid. At the time I was borderline and they said sometimes pregnancy can do that, so we dismissed it after tests. I’m realizing now my thyroid still seems enlarged and I’m having a lot of symptoms that I could be suffering from Hypothyroid issues. I haven’t been to the doctor since my 2 1/2  yr  old was born so this is something I need to look into.

Some symptoms may include:

-Sexual side effects
-Weight Gain

I’m sure this can also be hormonal changes from getting older but it’s worth getting checked out! My husband also hinted asking me if I wanted to start my diet again. Partly I’m sure he would have loved the gal he married back again, but he also saw how self conscious I was and how it effected our relationship.


He loves me regardless, but I am all he has and I want to be the best for him and for my kids.
I got back to my 150lbs I had lost earlier. And then, after not weighing myself for a while, I stepped on the scale.


I was scared because- for once I felt like it was out of control weight gain and I wasn’t able to stop it.

Whaaaaat? You have got to be kidding me!! I stepped back on again and sure enough, I had hit the 160 mark. This was a kick in the stomach because my healthy weight is 135 and below. I was around 30 lbs overweight!

Guys, this is a lot for me, personally! So I started limiting the amount  of fatty and sugary things I ate. Stepped on the scale. 162. HUH? I was still gaining!
I had stopped the cream in my coffee, I passed on the creme brule, I didn’t eat the bacon and a few days later. 164. I was on a downward spiral and I was scared because- for once I felt like it was out of control weight gain and I wasn’t able to stop it.
I purchased some vitamins- Vitamin D, Vitamin C , Vitamin B and multivitamins and Iron. I also grabbed some hydroxycut because- I never tried it and it was there and I didnt know what it would do but why not. As I read it, the amount of weight loss help it claimed was not significant enough for the price, not to mention the main ingredient to effect things seemed to be caffeine-which I already got more than enough of in my coffee and needed to give up in order to take it. It really didnt seem to do anything to me so I stopped taking it.

You dont want to overdo it with caffeine on the south beach diet. Studies have shown that while you are trying to focus your body to utilize your own stores of fat as energy, increased caffeine can actually effect your insulin negatively! Here’s part of an article on Shapefit:

The issue of coffee’s impact on blood sugar and Insulin levels has been brewing for a while and the arguments are steaming on both grounds. Short-term metabolic studies showed that caffeine intake can acutely lower Insulin Sensitivity and sometimes even raise blood sugar levels. One study published in Diabetes Care found that taking 70 grams of coffee grounds for 4 weeks increased fasting Insulin concentrations in 40 healthy volunteers without substantially effecting fasting glucose concentrations. The researchers suggested that such results reflect decreased Insulin Sensitivity from high caffeine intake. What’s worse, after just 5 days of regular supplementation the body’s blood glucose control system may become tolerant to the effects of caffeine. If for whatever reason you would want to get off the bean, be aware that a sudden withdrawal can cause headaches, irritability, anxiety, depression, drowsiness and fatigue.

So, having a cup or two a day is fine and helps control your appetite and energy level when you are dieting. But too much is bad. That means Hydroxycut= No Bueno.

I prepared to go on the diet and knew that I had to be committed in order to really succeed. You know what helps me succeed? Accountability! Seriously, it’s the sometimes unseen drill sergeant! That is how blogging helps. ❤

My husband and I went shopping and I was so tired pushing that cart. For days, already, I was exhausted. I had sick kids, everybody needed something, I felt crummy and I just wanted to be home, in bed- not out shopping for food.

My husband sent me off with my own basket to gather up my dietary needs (mind you, we have a family of ten so on this night we literally had 3 baskets of groceries!) so that I could concentrate on that. He really is super, ’cause I was a grump!

The next day I started my diet. I spent most of it laying low in bed while my body acclimated to the carb reduction. Seriously, I have a large family and any energy I have needs to be directed towards that. The first couple of days can wipe you out.

On day 2 of low carb and low fat, and following the procedure for each I figured, okay… I had to at least have lost some water weight! So I went into the bathroom and weighed myself.

165. No. Lie.

People. This happens. I hate it, I cant explain it, but I wasn’t going to stop now. And when that happens, I throw my arms up into the air and say, “God you are good -despite my body.” and move on. That’s exactly what I do and it helps because it is true.

And so with this, my new diet starts and I want to be an encouragement to those of you who feel like your own weight loss adventure is lame and dull and drab and ugly and hard and- YES! It is! And I know it’s hard for you, and YOU encourage me too!

I may not be as heavy as many of you are or have as much of a fight, and I understand this and don’t tale that for granted one bit! But we all struggle in things equally because they are hard for us individually and we all deserve that acknowledged.





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